Public Service Post

Internet medical advice is sketchy, dear friends. When you are stung by a scorpion, it's best to skip the google search and just call poison control. The poison control people are very nice and helpful and specific and detail oriented and friendly. Google provides an abundance of conflicting and inaccurate information, and takes longer.

Intense pain lasting 6-24 hours, numbness and tingling of the limbs and face and tongue and throat as if the dentist went a little nuts with the novacaine, weird twitchy stuff, difficulty speaking (becuth thuh thung ith numm), crazy vision, all lasting 2-5 days (or up to 10 days if the initial symptoms are more widespread)---all normal (in spite of the fact that many websites recommend rushing to the emergency room if they occur). DON'T use ice--just makes the pain worse. Taking pain medication generally doesn't help. Basically you just have to suffer till it goes away. Death is extremely rare (you only think you're going to die), destruction of a good night's sleep for yourself and your loved ones is more common.

Oh yeah.

[also, when the poison control people call back, I think I'll ask them if medical marijuana would help with the pain--if so, I plan to make my fortune selling scorpions-retire early-buy a villa in the south of France, you know...]